I've been searching through my archives all morning, trying to find a picture of a rat's ass so that I can illustrate my exact level of interest in the royal wedding.
But I do have this sort of morbid curiosity, the same kind that makes you look into hospital rooms as you walk down the hall to visit someone. Not about the royals or the spectacle or any of that silliness. About the photographer.
There's no question that Mario Testino is blatantly awesome. I'm not knocking him. But we're all human (except the royals, of course) and I just have to wonder: What happens if you screw up?
Corrupt memory cards happen. I'm sure Testino is using wireless backup reverse engineered from UFOs, but any system can fail. And besides that, what if the autofocus picks out the flowers instead of faces? What if the shutter fails during the kiss? What if . . . ?
And on top of all that, what if he's just having an off day? For example: This shot is very nice. This one makes Kate Middleton's head look like a watermelon with hair. Sorry, Mario, but what were you thinking?
For anyone who's ever shot a wedding, imagine having to answer the queen of England when she says, "Why do I look so old?"
One thing's for sure: As wedding photography goes, you cannot rise higher than this, and Testino doesn't have to listen to guys like me, who mostly criticize him so that they can pepper their blogs with keywords. (By the way, Kate Middleton's eyes are as green as Obama's birth certificate.) So I guess Testino can cry into a bag of money if he screws up tomorrow.
On the other hand, will Testino even make any royalties (har, har) off this circus? Since he's being paid by the British government, will he keep the rights to his photos, or will they be public record? You know, like this one:
Happy wedding, readers. Don't let your mascara run.
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